The article and comments seem to point to one conclusion: there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Each individual and each family will have their habits and their preferences. We have a couple of stools at our peninsula, and these were absolute life-savers during the years when my children needed to be with me almost all the time. How many meals did I prepare while my girls did crafts or "helped" me with dinner prep? We now like to eat at the peninsula on busy weekday mornings, and sometimes for dinner when I'm solo parenting for the evening and we have a short window of time before taking one or both teens to an evening lesson or activity. Most other meals are consumed in the dining room, which is just a few steps away through a wide opening. The real enemy, it seems to me, is technology at the table (any table): it signals our divided attention, and usually spells the end to meaningful interactions or good conversation during a meal.
Enjoyed this piece! My family has a closed dining room and we do spend a ton of time there, but I think that is largely due to the fact that I have young kids and the dining room table serves as also their art center/doodle pad/etc. I will say that I don't love having the separation between kitchen and dining room and have often fantasized about renovating to open it up! But I go back and forth for some of the reasons mentioned in your piece. When the kids were younger, it was impossible to cook and keep an eye on them at the same time. Now they sort of feel ignored when I'm in the kitchen cooking and they're in the dining room -- there's a lot of yelling across walls because there's nowhere to sit in the kitchen so I do see the appeal of those barstools! I do think that if you want to have a "proper" meal with family, it's less about design and more about making an effort. Every Friday night we make the effort (this can be a Shabbat or a non-religious experience) and really enforce behavior standards, raise the bar on what we cook, etc. that we don't often do during the week. This feels much more achievable than trying to make every meal special and can be done no matter the design of the space.
I just reloaded Audible back into my phone this morning after a few years of just listening to podcasts while I run, and in popped Brave New Home, with 3 hours and 38 minutes left. Picked up where I left off!
you wrote about the aging population in another post, i’m not trying to throw my children out so they stay living with in our big house and the big dining table in the kitchen is my favourite piece of furniture. It’s usually covered in stuff but at a hint of family gathering it’s cleared and i wouldn’t give away this critical piece of furniture for the world.
Truly enjoyed this article! As a Serbo-franco-american couple, there is a lot of nuance on how meals are shared. We are always making the comparison of how our families share meals in France and Serbia and how this notion is so completely different in the US! As designers, we are constantly trying to talk clients out of the default choice of having a kitchen island. It's interesting because it is so ingrained in American society that having a kitchen island is some sort of luxury. Couldn't agree more on how important it is to gather people around an actual table...everything seems different and more intentional.
It seems a truism nowadays that the kitchen is the heart of the home....and I'm in the trenches alongside Lloyd on this. I'd much rather that the heart of the home be the place where people break bread together, not where the bread is actually made. Comfortable chairs to linger in and talk to others, face to face.
My personal tastes are for a fully separated dining room, but an eat-in kitchen is defensible....it's the barstools ranged in a line at a high counter facing the cook that is the main problem for all the reasons he articulated. While it is nice to see a cultural appreciation for the domestic arts, turning cooking into a performance art is not relaxing. It's become transactional in nature, the production and provision of food across a counter, consumed shoulder to shoulder without eye contact and speed implied.
I grew up with eat in kitchens, but when I moved out, I ended up always having a tiny kitchen and a dining room. When I finally pulled a trigger on buying a house a few years ago (a small cottage-y, 1890s build), I had just enough room in the kitchen to place a small bar height table that I thought would be perfect to eat breakfast at; it's sort of a movable island. I also have a proportional to the house dining room, and I live alone, so there's no reason for me to really use a dining room. It's been 4 years, I've never once eaten at that table. It houses my toaster, a small shelf of books, and has 2 chairs that I forget to dust on a regular basis. I eat at my dining table, alone, with a book most evenings; in summers, on the porch.
The only use I see for kitchen islands is if you cook with people. A family member regularly hosts a 'nut roll night' around the holidays where we gather around her island and make nut rolls. I can't imagine doing that in a more traditional kitchen.
Longing to "bring back the kitchen or [formal] dining room table and the [traditional] family dinner" ignores the change in families. Long gone are the days of large nuclear families with both parents married and 4+ children around the table, all jostling for their attention and affection. Seriously, even the nuclear family with both parents present to their own biological children and WITHOUT divorce in the mix, or stepchildren, is somewhat of a rarity. So I fail to understand why Lloyd is welded to an outdated idea rooted in nostalgia rather than reflecting the present and future world of homeownership and parenting—other than the ridiculous Zoomer refrain of, "OK, Boomer."
And you're *STILL* wailing about the perils of Covid-19, Lloyd? It's been 4 years since it broke on the scene; we're in the endemic phase, same as with seasonal influenza season. Don't tell me that ANYTHING pandemic-related is relevant to this scribe, because as a clinical laboratory scientist, I can assure you that it's NOT. Not even the CDC is reporting Covid cases to the World Health Organization any longer: https://data.who.int/dashboards/covid19/cases?n=c
Which brings us back to why there is even an issue of kitchen islands v. formal dining areas. The New Yorker Thanksgiving cover pretty accurately expresses the situation today: we've become addicted to our technology and social media, forgetting that neither of them are necessary to eat together, to build and strengthen interpersonal communication skills and friendships, and ESPECIALLY to be present—to eat, converse, and respect the work done by the cook. But that has zero relevance to kitchen design and EVERYTHING to do with the ground rules implemented by the people who call that house 'home'. I feel sorry for you, Lloyd, that you don't think you still have the right to set ground rules for your grown-ass adult children when gathering for the holidays. YOU host, YOU set the rules for what will and will not be acceptable. If *THEY* don't like it, then *THEY* can host the meals at THEIR home instead and have the extended family in THEIR space. Or maybe you're afraid they'll withhold access to the grandchildren if you stand up for yourself and your wife, so you capitulate to their selfishness by dismissing any authority to say what's acceptable under your own roof? Whatever it is, I feel genuinely sorry for you, because if your adult kids respected you as their father or father-in-law, they'd put their phones away without uttering so much as a peep of dissent.
Personally, I like having a kitchen island to use for meal prep, but there's a point where it's too much and separates people because they can't see one another or pass food between diners efficiently. The example above, with those high chairs, would never be desirable in my space because while I'm 198cm tall, my girlfriend is only 155cm (and also handicapped, with a fused ankle) so our height disparity is more easily resolved by my accommodating her needs than the other way around. A Silestone or marble kitchen island countertop for making Christmas candy or bread? OMG, what a dream! But it's just the two of us here in this 1094 sq ft (101.6 sq m) home; when we eventually move to a larger home, it's going to be to one with more entertaining area. And yes, that will still revolve around the heart of the home, the kitchen. Times change; families change. You can either change with it, or stay stuck in the past.
The kitchen in our family home was where all the teens (friends, cousins) gathered, ate crab curry, chatted, made tons of noise. We sat around a table on which mother rolled out roti, kneaded bread, chopped veggies and cut up meat.
Next to the kitchen was the dining room where we ate as a family.
Not much has changed with us though we’re all over the place.
One wonders if the traffic pattern you show would be different with an open floor concept (which I have a love/hate relationship with (but I guess that goes with being a boomer).
Great article. The dining room is where we gather for meals and celebrations and is separated from kitchen with a half wall (capped with soapstone, see previous article/comment on kitchen counters!) and is essential for communing with family over meals, conversations, sharing memories and stories. And I love Julia's kitchen!
The article and comments seem to point to one conclusion: there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Each individual and each family will have their habits and their preferences. We have a couple of stools at our peninsula, and these were absolute life-savers during the years when my children needed to be with me almost all the time. How many meals did I prepare while my girls did crafts or "helped" me with dinner prep? We now like to eat at the peninsula on busy weekday mornings, and sometimes for dinner when I'm solo parenting for the evening and we have a short window of time before taking one or both teens to an evening lesson or activity. Most other meals are consumed in the dining room, which is just a few steps away through a wide opening. The real enemy, it seems to me, is technology at the table (any table): it signals our divided attention, and usually spells the end to meaningful interactions or good conversation during a meal.
Enjoyed this piece! My family has a closed dining room and we do spend a ton of time there, but I think that is largely due to the fact that I have young kids and the dining room table serves as also their art center/doodle pad/etc. I will say that I don't love having the separation between kitchen and dining room and have often fantasized about renovating to open it up! But I go back and forth for some of the reasons mentioned in your piece. When the kids were younger, it was impossible to cook and keep an eye on them at the same time. Now they sort of feel ignored when I'm in the kitchen cooking and they're in the dining room -- there's a lot of yelling across walls because there's nowhere to sit in the kitchen so I do see the appeal of those barstools! I do think that if you want to have a "proper" meal with family, it's less about design and more about making an effort. Every Friday night we make the effort (this can be a Shabbat or a non-religious experience) and really enforce behavior standards, raise the bar on what we cook, etc. that we don't often do during the week. This feels much more achievable than trying to make every meal special and can be done no matter the design of the space.
I just reloaded Audible back into my phone this morning after a few years of just listening to podcasts while I run, and in popped Brave New Home, with 3 hours and 38 minutes left. Picked up where I left off!
you wrote about the aging population in another post, i’m not trying to throw my children out so they stay living with in our big house and the big dining table in the kitchen is my favourite piece of furniture. It’s usually covered in stuff but at a hint of family gathering it’s cleared and i wouldn’t give away this critical piece of furniture for the world.
Truly enjoyed this article! As a Serbo-franco-american couple, there is a lot of nuance on how meals are shared. We are always making the comparison of how our families share meals in France and Serbia and how this notion is so completely different in the US! As designers, we are constantly trying to talk clients out of the default choice of having a kitchen island. It's interesting because it is so ingrained in American society that having a kitchen island is some sort of luxury. Couldn't agree more on how important it is to gather people around an actual table...everything seems different and more intentional.
It seems a truism nowadays that the kitchen is the heart of the home....and I'm in the trenches alongside Lloyd on this. I'd much rather that the heart of the home be the place where people break bread together, not where the bread is actually made. Comfortable chairs to linger in and talk to others, face to face.
My personal tastes are for a fully separated dining room, but an eat-in kitchen is defensible....it's the barstools ranged in a line at a high counter facing the cook that is the main problem for all the reasons he articulated. While it is nice to see a cultural appreciation for the domestic arts, turning cooking into a performance art is not relaxing. It's become transactional in nature, the production and provision of food across a counter, consumed shoulder to shoulder without eye contact and speed implied.
I grew up with eat in kitchens, but when I moved out, I ended up always having a tiny kitchen and a dining room. When I finally pulled a trigger on buying a house a few years ago (a small cottage-y, 1890s build), I had just enough room in the kitchen to place a small bar height table that I thought would be perfect to eat breakfast at; it's sort of a movable island. I also have a proportional to the house dining room, and I live alone, so there's no reason for me to really use a dining room. It's been 4 years, I've never once eaten at that table. It houses my toaster, a small shelf of books, and has 2 chairs that I forget to dust on a regular basis. I eat at my dining table, alone, with a book most evenings; in summers, on the porch.
The only use I see for kitchen islands is if you cook with people. A family member regularly hosts a 'nut roll night' around the holidays where we gather around her island and make nut rolls. I can't imagine doing that in a more traditional kitchen.
Longing to "bring back the kitchen or [formal] dining room table and the [traditional] family dinner" ignores the change in families. Long gone are the days of large nuclear families with both parents married and 4+ children around the table, all jostling for their attention and affection. Seriously, even the nuclear family with both parents present to their own biological children and WITHOUT divorce in the mix, or stepchildren, is somewhat of a rarity. So I fail to understand why Lloyd is welded to an outdated idea rooted in nostalgia rather than reflecting the present and future world of homeownership and parenting—other than the ridiculous Zoomer refrain of, "OK, Boomer."
And you're *STILL* wailing about the perils of Covid-19, Lloyd? It's been 4 years since it broke on the scene; we're in the endemic phase, same as with seasonal influenza season. Don't tell me that ANYTHING pandemic-related is relevant to this scribe, because as a clinical laboratory scientist, I can assure you that it's NOT. Not even the CDC is reporting Covid cases to the World Health Organization any longer: https://data.who.int/dashboards/covid19/cases?n=c
Which brings us back to why there is even an issue of kitchen islands v. formal dining areas. The New Yorker Thanksgiving cover pretty accurately expresses the situation today: we've become addicted to our technology and social media, forgetting that neither of them are necessary to eat together, to build and strengthen interpersonal communication skills and friendships, and ESPECIALLY to be present—to eat, converse, and respect the work done by the cook. But that has zero relevance to kitchen design and EVERYTHING to do with the ground rules implemented by the people who call that house 'home'. I feel sorry for you, Lloyd, that you don't think you still have the right to set ground rules for your grown-ass adult children when gathering for the holidays. YOU host, YOU set the rules for what will and will not be acceptable. If *THEY* don't like it, then *THEY* can host the meals at THEIR home instead and have the extended family in THEIR space. Or maybe you're afraid they'll withhold access to the grandchildren if you stand up for yourself and your wife, so you capitulate to their selfishness by dismissing any authority to say what's acceptable under your own roof? Whatever it is, I feel genuinely sorry for you, because if your adult kids respected you as their father or father-in-law, they'd put their phones away without uttering so much as a peep of dissent.
Personally, I like having a kitchen island to use for meal prep, but there's a point where it's too much and separates people because they can't see one another or pass food between diners efficiently. The example above, with those high chairs, would never be desirable in my space because while I'm 198cm tall, my girlfriend is only 155cm (and also handicapped, with a fused ankle) so our height disparity is more easily resolved by my accommodating her needs than the other way around. A Silestone or marble kitchen island countertop for making Christmas candy or bread? OMG, what a dream! But it's just the two of us here in this 1094 sq ft (101.6 sq m) home; when we eventually move to a larger home, it's going to be to one with more entertaining area. And yes, that will still revolve around the heart of the home, the kitchen. Times change; families change. You can either change with it, or stay stuck in the past.
I love this article!
The kitchen in our family home was where all the teens (friends, cousins) gathered, ate crab curry, chatted, made tons of noise. We sat around a table on which mother rolled out roti, kneaded bread, chopped veggies and cut up meat.
Next to the kitchen was the dining room where we ate as a family.
Not much has changed with us though we’re all over the place.
gospel truth
One wonders if the traffic pattern you show would be different with an open floor concept (which I have a love/hate relationship with (but I guess that goes with being a boomer).
Great article. The dining room is where we gather for meals and celebrations and is separated from kitchen with a half wall (capped with soapstone, see previous article/comment on kitchen counters!) and is essential for communing with family over meals, conversations, sharing memories and stories. And I love Julia's kitchen!
Great article, Lloyd. Thanks for the shout-out!